that v o i c e . . .

i was up this morning at 4:45 a.m. couldn't sleep. i know on week days some get up at this time on a regular bases, my wake up time is usually 6:00 a.m. so i suppose i wasn't too far off. however, my heart was so heavy. i have for some time now enjoyed getting up when the house is quiet and all are still sleeping, but with what is going on in our lives right now, it made me think so much about the voice that i'm not hearing. the voice that each and every time when entering a room that i would be in, would always say, "Hi Mommy." and each time in the morning after coming down the stairs that sweet voice would say, "Good morning mommy, did you sleep good?" this morning it hit home, and i realized just how quiet it is with that sweet voice missing...an emptiness came over me, a heaviness. you just really never know what it will feel like until it happens to you. as i began to make coffee, memories started flowing. memories of her when she was young, still pretending, still playing star wars, dressing up in costumes pretending to be a jedi and swinging around a light saber. holding her kitty shadow, and loving on her as if shadow was a baby. making music together, listening to her voice sing so beautifully as she played the guitar. these are just a few, so many more have flooded my soul so often, sometimes to the point of overflowing.

when i felt all of these thoughts and feelings start flooding my soul, i knew i had to write. writing for me is therapeutic, it gives me a way in which i can release all of the many emotions that seem to get bottled up inside. many times i have sat in tears and have written, many times i have sat and smiled, laughed, feeling a relief as the words were emptied from my mind.

now the sun has clearly shown it's bright rays. birds are appearing in the bird feeder in my front tree. i love to bird watch and i have binoculars that i use from time to time to watch them. so now morning is clearly awake, another day that God has given. i thank God for all of His tender mercies. i pray for a daughter, whose voice i long to hear, yes that voice that beautiful, sweet, and caring voice.