i have come to the point in which i am sick and tired of being over weight. i never had a problem with my weight growing up and after i had each one of the girls, i lost the weight that i had gained with both pregnancies. so, with this post i am going to be way transparent and to some of you on the verge of whining. honestly, this issue in and of itself has driven me to tears. being bipolar means that i must take medications, a side effect is the possibility of gaining weight, you'd know i'd fall into the possibility category. honestly, i watch what i eat, and yes i have started, walking, with scott and our dog nilla 30 minutes a day, and we are making sure we keep up a brisk pace. am i doing this all wrong? i miss my slender shape. i miss the way i felt in my clothes, i miss the way i felt about myself. it's downright making me angry to see me so overweight...i mean we're not talking 10 pounds, more like 50 or so. 2 years ago i had knee surgery, so that set me back, but right now i feel like i need to do something more and something fast before i pull all of the hair out of my head. now, all of what i have said thus far is being said fully through the mindset of me thinking negatively about the entire situation. but, after doing some thinking i've come up with some productive thoughts. it is quite possible that God is allowing me to remain at the weight that i am to help me take a whole different view of the situation. maybe he's trying to teach me that instead of me being obsessed with the outer beauty, the part that fades with time, i must work at what lies within. as i am getting older i am realizing that my looks are changing and if i do not put the time and effort into beautifying that which lies within and becoming comfortable in the skin i am in and showing appreciation more often for the beautiful new days that God gives, which are really awesome gifts granted from Him. i may find myself sad, clinging to the past and wishing things were different instead of living a life in which i through His grace am making a positive difference in the lives that i touch. instead of being so consumed with the issue of losing weight built solely on cosmetic purposes, i should do what i can do to loose the weight because of health related reasons but, accept myself as God has made me, and not compare myself to others. when a person exemplifies an inner strength an inner radiance one cannot help but be beautiful. so instead of being sick and tired of being fat, maybe i should just take one day at a time, do what i need to do to shed the pounds but have an attitude and a heart change. i know if i do this it would sure make me feel a lot better. God didn't intend for us to spend our days unhappy, sad, and lack joy. He wants us to enjoy the life that He has given us. being all wrapped up in that which lies on the outside takes away the times that should be spent investing on the inside...where it really counts. guess i don't feel so bad after all. just typing this out and sharing these thoughts have been like a healing balm to my soul, who knows maybe it's been the same for you...that would simply be awesome if it has.
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