"part 2" a journey

as i began to walk this journey i still struggled in a huge way. there was a huge stigma regarding"mental illness." and, honestly when i was young and growing up what i heard of people with "mental illnesses" was not at all positive. in my minds eye i viewed them as people who just sat and stared because of the medication they would be put on, i thought of how they used to treat people who had such an illness. many, many families did not know what to do with family members who had such a condition and they would put them in "homes" (insane asylums). and many of these people lived out hard, crazy, and utterly sad lives, just existing, and never really amounting to much of anything. in order to control their out bursts they would be put in straight jackets, or put in padded rooms, as not to hurt others, or themselves, many of the treatments were horrific, such as shock treatment, and other exploratory methods of trying to figure out the cause of the "insane" or "craziness" of these people. so, my view unfortunately was not at all correct regarding people that were struck with this illness. not until i was diagnosed with bipolar did i begin to really research. yes, that is the way that many were treated and i was fortunate to be diagnosed during this day and age because i could have easily found myself in the insane asylum like many were.

today there seems to still be a stigma, but that is changing. sometimes i hate having bipolar, often i feel like it is a chain and ball around my ankle, but i am reminded by such a caring and loving husband, that God made me this way, and that with His strength we will get through this. to be honest however, i have thought on occasion that it is always easier for someone who is looking in from the outside to say this, and much harder for the person living through it on the inside, even when it is being said in love, and great care. the type of bipolar i have is the type that peaks extremely high, and then dips extremely low....quickly. so, i am given several medications to pull me up from my lows and down from my highs and hopefully land me in the middle. when i began taking such medications, i as well hated it even though i knew it was meant to help me. i did then and still do at times get tired of going to my medicine basket and taking medicine that i know will help me, i often look at my husband scott, and wish that i did not have to take medications, i am not jealous of him but, have often wondered what it would be like if i didn't have to take them. yet, if i stopped taking the medication, many of them would have a with draw effect on me and would set me back. Then i would easily go into what i call a period in which i slip down a slippery slope and end up in my abyss. there are times when i do slip even when i am taking my medication, i have even teetered on the edge of falling into my abyss, then my doctor tweaks my medicine, and i am helped. i have not fallen into that abyss now for a little over 2 years. but, tomorrow i will share about that experience. i know God has been with me all along. He has never left my side, and many, many times i know He has carried me. how do i know this? because i am sitting here writing this for you to read.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdXkG-tlXdU